Typical Friday Night
by WoahThereLassie
Summary: Who doesn't want to watch Seymour deal with his sexual attraction to Audrey? Funny! Rating is just safe. It's cute. I promise!
1. Not Again

Seymour sighed. Again. He stared at the ceiling, memorizing the cracks and water stains. Again. He shifted his weight and noticed his bed creak. He thought about fixing it. He sat up and wondered where his tools where, only to remember he let Audrey borrow them, again. He paused for a moment, letting a smile creep to his face at the thought of her. Again. And, positioning his hands under his head, he fell back on the bed. He sighed. Again.

Typical Friday night.

What was he supposed to do on the weekends? Shouldn't he be going out with friends, shouldn't he be dating? Mushnik had grilled him this afternoon with these same questions, and Seymour had no answer for them. It's not as though he DIDN'T have friends. Seymour knew some people. There was Paul, the tailor down the street. Very nice, very smart, but had expensive tastes- Seymour couldn't afford to go dining like Paul did. Seymour suspected Paul couldn't, either. And there was Ted and Daisy, the married couple who often ordered flowers to be personally delivered. Seymour liked them, and their two children. But that was it- they had children, it wasn't as though Seymour could spend time getting to know them, they were busy!

They were his age. And they already were married with children, stable jobs, their own little house…

He sighed. Again. What if that was the life he was missing? He was 27 for Christ's sake. Only a real loser would be sitting alone in his room on a Friday night, staring and sighing. And not even in a house. He slept under his WORKPLACE! He grimaced at the thought. Again. He really shouldn't be complaining. He was being a jerk. Mr. Mushnik took him in, he raised him, and he gave him a place to stay, wasn't that enough for him? Seymour didn't deserve anything else. He had a pretty good deal going for him here. Seymour sighed. Again.

_"Shouldn't you be dating? God's sake, Seymour, you're young and you've got a job, that's all a woman has the right to ask for!"_

Mushnik's statement had hurt Seymour a little. He knew that he wasn't good enough to be anyone's husband. And even if he was, he knew he'd only want one person for his… but she was definitely too good for him. She was beautiful and had potential to make something of herself. She was kind, funny, beautiful, caring, sweet, and that's the kind of girl that makes the world go 'round. She was everything any man could ever want, he thought. Again. She essentially has the entire world population of men to choose from. How could she even think about him? He adjusted his glasses. He sighed. Again. There was a knock at the door. Again.

Wait, no. Not again. A knock?

Seymour swung his legs off his bed and carefully stood up, adjusting his shirt, which had ridden up a little bit. His legs were tired from standing all week, and his back ached from his uncomfortable mattress. Again. But this out of the ordinary occurrence had made him forget these things. He tentatively called, "One second!" and a voice responded, "Sure, Seymour! I'm sorry to bother you so late!"

He knew that voice.

His heart felt as though it had literally fallen into his shoes. He lunged for the door, crying, "Audrey!" He tripped over a small pot that had fallen off his shelves. But he scrambled up and flung open the door. And there she was. Smiling apologetically, she said, "Hello. I didn't wake you up, did I?"

Seymour had to remind himself to breathe as he responded, "No, no, no, Audrey, no! I was just, uh… you know… are… Audrey! You're all wet, what happened?" He had just noticed her soaking hair and dripping clothes. Her makeup had even begun to run. He stepped aside and gestured for her to enter his room, which he immediately became ashamed of- well, even more so. His bed was untidy, his workspace was cluttered, and his shoes were carelessly strewn on the floor… As Audrey stepped inside, he quickly ran to clean up.

"I'm so sorry, Seymour, but it was pouring outside and I left my key locked in my room… I'm not sure how it happened… My neighbor has a spare, but she's on vacation. Orin has one, too, but I…" She stopped. Seymour understood. A twinge of anger began to build inside of him, but he subdued it, not wanting to appear mad in Audrey's presence.

Wait. She didn't want to go to him. She was avoiding Orin. Seymour knew he was bad news, and Audrey did, too, but she had never done anything like this before. Seymour appreciated the kind of courage it took to do something like this with a man like Orin in Audrey's life. Seymour perked up and glanced at Audrey. She was staring at the ground, shivering. She was about to continue when he said, "Audrey, let me get you a blanket, or a towel, or even some dry c-clothes." He tried not to think of her delicate figure that lied in wait under her sopping dress- STOP STOP STOP STOP

"Um, actually, Seymour… dry clothes sound really nice," Audrey replied. Seymour could have sworn there was color in her cheeks. Wasn't that just blush? Or… was she…? No. No way. Seymour always thought things like this, and he always came to the same conclusion: she thought of him as her friend, maybe a brother, even. Why did he let himself get hurt with things he already knew? He scrambled around and found a button-down shirt in his dresser. He held it out for Audrey to see, and she smiled.

"I've never seen you wear that," she commented. Seymour blushed.

"Well, it's… small on me. Perhaps it will fit you?" He didn't mean to phrase that as a question. He found that his mind kept floating to places he rarely let it, even in private. Somehow, it felt wrong to think of her that way. Perhaps he didn't want to think of her solely as an object of sex. But that's truly not how he saw her. These were basic human urges, were they not?

"Seymour?" a voice called from behind him. He had been lost in his own thoughts! He quickly jerked up and hit his head on the shelf above him. He cried out in pain, and there were footsteps as Audrey ran over to him.

"Seymour, Seymour! I'm so sorry!" she cried as she ran next to him. "Are you all right, are you going to be okay?" She looked intently at him, worry etched into her beautiful eyes. Seymour smiled in spite of himself.

"Of course, Audrey, it's not your fault, I'm just a klutz. Here you go," he said, handing her the shirt. "I, um, will continue to look for bottoms or pants-" he began, but Audrey shook her head.

"That's all right, Seymour," she said, and, without explaining further, she gingerly touched his head. "Is… is it okay if I touch you?" she asked immediately, pulling away sharply. Seymour was unable to say anything. She had refused pants. He felt like he was going to drool enough water to fill a bathtub. She placed her hand on his skull again and said, "Oh, Seymour, that's going to leave a bump. I'll go change and when I get back, I'll help you out with that. I'm so sorry!"

As she walked into his bathroom, Seymour sat down on his bed and tried to piece this all together. Audrey shows up, soaking wet, avoiding Orin, refusing pants, blushing, touching his head? His heart was racing, and his mind was all over the place.

This was NOT a typical Friday night.


	2. Inspecting the Bulge

Seymour's head had started to pound. He glared at the pot on the shelf that had made his blow hurt more than necessary. But hating his messy room, he forced himself up and began tidying up the bed. A sudden thought struck him.

_I think… I think Audrey is… spending the night._

He staggered, grabbing the end of his bed for support. A passerby would have assumed he was drunk. Where would she sleep? With him? No, no, he would sleep on the floor. Maybe that would straighten out his back. Yes, and Audrey would sleep in his bed… soft, delicate Audrey, wrapped up in his covers…

_WHAP!_

He slapped himself, trying anything to break these thoughts. It's just not right! Seymour can't be thinking about her like that. She is in a crisis right now, not to mention her love life isn't going very swimmingly. Think about her self-esteem, Seymour! He realized he was frantically trying to smooth his covers and took a deep breath. He needed to calm down. Think of oceans, waterfalls, jungle sounds, anything to calm you down. Think about gardening. Trimming bushes. Mindless tasks. Soothing activities.

And his thoughts were interrupted by Audrey stepping out in his shirt. It was a little big on her, to be sure, but… just barely. Before Seymour could stop himself, his eyes quickly passed over her, taking in the soft curve of her legs, now unaffected by high heels, her smooth-looking skin, the perkiness of her chest, the length of her neck, her soft smile, her kind eyes, and her pink lips. He had never seen them so pink. In fact, he had never seen her face look so natural. She had taken off her makeup! Her face glowed. Seymour's heart stopped as he softly said "Wow". Although… it came out more like "Wauahghshs".

Audrey walked over to him and put her hands on his shoulders, looking deep into his eyes. Seymour felt sweat beginning to form on his brow, and he dared to imagine himself grabbing her face and kissing her soft, sweet lips that were now so close to his nose-

"Now sit, Seymour," she said kindly. "Let's have a look at that bump!"

Seymour obeyed, and prayed she meant his skull.

She began to carefully inspect his head. Her fingertips lightly grazed the sore area, and Seymour felt a slight twinge of pain. She apologized and went back to her task. After further review, she proclaimed that he just needed ice.

"Aw, gee, Audrey," Seymour said, trying his best to control his voice. "I don't have any here."

Audrey cried, "Oh dear! I'm sorry, Seymour, but I'm afraid you'll just have to wait it out! Unless, of course, you have a painkiller…?" When Seymour shook his head 'no', she said, "Oh, Seymour, that's too bad."

And she didn't remove her hands from his head. It seemed like she didn't even notice. She had been absentmindedly playing with strands of his hair the whole time. Seymour felt like he could throw up. He hadn't been this close to Audrey for this long since… Oh God. Since _never._ His eyes widened when he noticed she had begun to massage the area around his injury. Her fingers felt so good. He knew he shouldn't, it was ungentlemanly, but he couldn't help it… he relaxed. He let his eyelids close and his breathing slow down. He allowed himself to feel the warmth of Audrey's fingers on his scalp, he allowed himself to enjoy her touch and hell, he even allowed himself to want more. He wouldn't ask for more, but he wanted it. Audrey's hands began shaking.

"Do… do you feel better, Seymour?" she asked shakily.

"Yes," Seymour breathed as he felt his moment pass. He felt a surge of something flow through his body, something completely foreign. Like pride. But different. It was confidence. It was confidence! Seymour Krelborn was a master of romance! Seymour could do anything! He could sweep Audrey up and carry her off into the sunset, a dream he had forbidden himself… until NOW!

He looked at her, ready with a winning line; ready to be suave, debonair, sophisticated, even… sexy! But it all faded as he saw Audrey staring at her lap, shivering. His shining moment of glory was slapped out of him as reality set it- Audrey did NOT like him in that sense. Audrey was too good for someone like Seymour.

"Audrey, are you still cold?" he asked kindly, not letting her see his blow. She looked at him briefly, smiling, and said "Yes, that… that's it. I'm cold."

Seymour stood up and said, "You can sleep in my bed! Don't worry; I changed the sheets last night, so I've only slept on them once. But this comforter isn't the warmest… I'll try to find you another blanket! I promised you one earlier, I forgot! I'm sorry, I'll-"

"Seymour," Audrey interrupted sweetly, placing a finger on his lips. Seymour shut up. She released him quickly, and said, "You've been so wonderful already. You really don't need to do anything for me that's, you know, special."

"But Audrey, I do," Seymour protested as he began a search for a blanket, not wanting Audrey to see the burning in his cheeks. "You're very special!"

It popped out of his mouth before he could stop himself. So much for suave, debonair, and sophisticated. And don't even THINK about sexy. He found a soft, gray blanket and went to hand it to Audrey. He was walking toward her when it happened. In his path was his right shoe that he meant to pick up and move, but of course, was too distracted to do so. It caught his left foot in such a way as to trip him…

…and land on top of Audrey.


	3. So Awkward

Neither of them moved.

Neither of them said a word.

They just… stared. And they _stared_. Their eyes grew wider with every passing second, taking in what had just happened. But neither of them could move. Seymour looked into her (granted, beautiful) face, searching for fear or disgust- but found only shock. He wondered if it was mirrored in his own face.

When their collision had first happened, Seymour had stopped himself from completely squishing Audrey by catching himself on his elbows and forearms. His knees were on the edge of the bed, dangerously close to slipping off. But he held his position. More embarrassment right now would probably kill him. His heart would have to stop; there would be no other option. He was thankful that he was straddling Audrey so she couldn't feel his crotch-

!

He was straddling her. Her delicate legs were barely caressed by his loose pants. He felt his mouth open slightly in shock. How long had they been like this? What was she THINKING? She must think him a fool, a lowlife, another creep after her body.

"I-" someone said briefly. They were jerked back into reality.

"Did you-?" Seymour asked.

"No," answered Audrey quickly.

"Are you-"

"Yes."

They stared. Again. Seymour felt his bed tremble beneath him. Was that his own arms, or Audrey? Did she feel in peril? Why couldn't he stop this, why couldn't he remove himself from her.

But he knew why. Deep down, he wanted this. Not to take her, not in this way, but he wanted this position- not one of lust or greed, one of protection. To have his body surround hers, to provide a strength and security that he never had himself. But right now… he was causing her fear. The very thing he wanted to save her from.

"I'M SORRY!" came a cry from Seymour's lips as he burst off of her, willing himself to be braver than he felt.

"Wha- what?" Audrey cried, startled.

"Oh-Audrey-I-didn't-mean-to-do-that-please-I-would-never-do-things-like-that-to-you-oh-God-Audrey-I-would-never-touch-you-oh-Audrey!" Seymour practically begged his incoherent plea while Audrey sat up, dumbfounded. She then crossed her legs and arms, folding herself over.

"You… wouldn't?" she asked softly.

"No," responded Seymour. "No, Audrey, I would never hurt you. You came in here and asked for help, and I'm glad to do that, honest!" He had no idea what was coming out of his mouth. "I would never make you, you know… 'pay' for anything!" Random thoughts were spilling out from his mind. "Audrey, please, please- don't be mad. You mean too much to me!" OH MY GOD HE JUST SAID THAT OUT LOUD. He felt like peeing himself. Clamping his mouth shut, he finally clenched his fists and stared at the ground. She has to be mad. She HAS to be. Who wouldn't be? The floor is very interesting. Focus on that. Anything but the tension in the air that was growing, forming into a giant monster that would surely grab his neck and suffocate him. How long has that crack been there?

"Seymour," came Audrey's voice. "I'm not mad."

Seymour looked up. And Audrey was smiling.

And crying.

"Audrey?" he asked, uncertain. His heart was torn. But Audrey waved her hand, attempting to dismiss concern from Seymour's face.

"I'm all right," she sobbed. "I'm wonderful." Seymour took two tentative steps toward her. "Seymour, that… that's the nicest thing… the nicest… thing…" And she burst into even more tears. Seymour rushed to her side, sitting beside her on the bed. He daren't touch her, but it was an obvious comfort to her that he was closer. She continued.

"You know… Orin doesn't let me have a key to my apartment," she said quietly. "At… at night… if I come home and… and the key isn't under the mat… that's, you know, the signal… that I…"

"Audrey," Seymour breathed, mortified. "Audrey, please, please, I'm going to tell you something I've never, ever had the courage to say…" Audrey looked up, her eyes wide. Seymour felt she knew it was coming, but was surprised anyway. "He's bad news, Audrey. I know you must like him to stay with him, which is why I didn't say anything. But if you ask me, you… you're too good for him. You're too good for most jerks, even guys like me, the average ones. Even the above average ones. You… you need a prince or a knight, Audrey, someone who can protect you."

Seymour could have taken his shoe and hit himself in the face. Seriously. Seymour, you are an idiot, a jackass, a quality nimrod. Did you just tell your entire mental diary to the sole object of your affection? Yes. Yes you did! Seymour's heart sank. What if she didn't believe him? What if he didn't convince her? He knew his love was true… but it couldn't possibly be enough for a woman like Audrey.

"Like… like who, Seymour?" Audrey asked sweetly.

Seymour's head whipped up to face her. She was smiling. She was closer to his face.

She was looking at his lips.

"Uh… duh… wuh… I… well, you know… like I said-" Seymour began. Audrey backtracked.

"Oh, Seymour, I- oh God," she said, grabbing her face in her hands. "That was awfully forward, I… what you said was awfully… wonderful," she said musically… and almost shyly. And Seymour finally connected something in his brain.

"YOU MEAN ME?" he practically screamed. Audrey flinched, looking alarmed. When she saw no one was hurt, she turned a furious shade of red.

"Oh, Seymour…" she cooed softly. "If…

"If you would have me."

Seymour was struck dumb. His heart was flying so fast he couldn't feel it beating anymore. His mind was reeling, he was sweating, and his pants were definitely too small… and his smile was the biggest it had ever been in his whole meager existence.

He fell off the bed. Audrey squeaked his name as he hit the floor with a resounding thud. However, before she could rush to him, he beat her to it. He sprang up.

"Audrey, I gotta say something!" he cried happily. He was joyous, giddy, overcome with confidence… but legitimately this time! He grabbed Audrey's hands. Her eyes widened and her face melted, and Seymour knew that she got the message.

"Audrey, I've… I've… I've been in love with you! For years, Audrey!" Audrey's face grew wider with shock and pleasant surprise. "I thought you could never like a guy like me. I understand if you don't love me, just the fact that you would even consider trying me as a… a… well, as a boyfriend!"

"No, Seymour, I love you!" Audrey blurted. "I love you, I love you, I…"

Seymour pulled her into a hug that almost lifted her off the bed. "Audrey, Audrey! Audrey, I'm going to do my best! I want you to be the happiest person in the world!" Audrey gushed something along the lines of, "Oh, Seymour!" as she gripped him back.

Seymour felt her pull away and was happy for another excuse to see her smiling face. They looked at each other, content to admire the other, giggling and simpering. But then, a look passed over Audrey's face. Something Seymour had never seen before.

"Seymour?" she asked breathlessly.

"Yes, Audrey?" he responded. A little too enthusiastically.

"Kiss me," she said.


	4. Legit Confidence

Seymour's heart froze. This was it. The big moment. Seymour had dreamed of his for three years. Her soft pink lips were moments away from being placed on his own… he had to do this carefully. Take his time, be romantic…

He plunged. What else could he do? He was too overcome!

Her lips were what he expected: soft. But… they were really soft. Audrey had relaxed her face (after the initial shock of Seymour's… 'bold advance'.) And… she was sweet. She tasted so good. This was so much more than he expected! Who would think, having lips on yours would be such a sensation? And having a sensational woman be the owner of said lips… Seymour felt his heart pound with every pucker, every movement. She even once kissed… JUST HIS BOTTOM LIP! Seymour felt a slight (unmanly) moan escape his lips as she did this.

"Oh, Seymour…" she said in response, while placing a soft hand on his cheek. Seymour felt a stirring in his gut. He wrapped his arm around her slim torso and gripped it, almost too tightly. He felt as if he had to force himself to do these things, or else he would chicken out. But…

_...she loves me, too._

His grip softened to a natural embrace, and his other hand felt for her open one. They sat together, lips softly experimenting, hearts hammering, entwined. Audrey's thumb gently caressed Seymour's cheek, and he squeezed her hand in response. Seymour could do this for hours! Seymour had never felt so happy. So content, so free, so… at home.

Audrey pulled her face away slightly, catching her breath. Seymour's mind slowly drained away while he said, "Wooooow." This time, it came out as the word. Somewhere down the road, Seymour would still consider this moment 'not very cool', however. But in the moment, how could he help it? Audrey sighed in agreement.

"Audrey…" Seymour began. She looked up at him, eyes sparkling. He smiled, and continued.

"Audrey, I'm really glad you came over here tonight." She giggled.

"Me, too. I felt like tonight I… I needed you," she confessed. And she cocked her head to the side, closing her eyes. Another kiss! She wanted another kiss!

Seymour made sure to do it right this time. He closed his eyes, inhaled deeply, cupped her face with his hands and gingerly placed his lips on her own awaiting mouth. He felt her head and lips surrender to his hands, letting him take over. Seymour imagined that she had never done that before… that she had never wanted to give herself to someone… the thought made him shudder. But feeling Audrey's soft acceptance of his kisses turned his heart back to its main focus. He wanted to… but do he dare? He gently prodded his (eager) tongue at her lip entrance. Audrey giggled and accepted it. She tasted so sweet. Seymour felt his excitement building, his anticipation growing. Where would this lead?

Audrey answered his question.

"Seymour…" she said softly, looking deeply into his eyes. He was about to ask why when she gently pulled him on top of her.

"I love you," she whispered, and kissed his earlobe. His eyes flew open and he was aghast. Something new was about to happen.

"I love you so much, Audrey."

_Some time later..._

The two of them lay side by side, catching their breath. Seymour was tingling, with one eye half-closed and a goofy smile planted on his face. Audrey was next to him, eyes wide and toes curled. She grabbed his hand a squeezed.

"Seymour!" she breathed. "Oh, Seymour!"

"You're so beautiful, Audrey," Seymour gushed. "I didn't get a chance to tell you-"

"Shh," said Audrey, placing a finger on his lips, and keeping it there this time. "Let me say something first. Seymour, that was really wonderful," she enthused. "I've never felt so… so… good! Being with you is unlike anything I've ever experienced. I love you, and you took care of me… you focused on me… I'm… I'm talking too much," she added apologetically.

"Oh, Audrey!" Seymour cried for the seemingly millionth time. He pulled her into a kiss. Granted it was a bit sweaty from their earlier tryst, but satisfying none the less.

Seymour had done it. Achieved manhood. But best of all, he had made love to the love of his life, the woman of every man's dreams. He had held her soft skin against his, felt her curves under his hands, and even… squeezed her boobs! But it was better than just squeezing boobies. It was fulfilling. They were a part of Audrey's beautiful body, her beautiful person. He gazed up at her, and she said, "You must be sleepy."

"I'll need some rest for the day I'm going to have tomorrow, Audrey," Seymour yawned happily, gathering his Audrey in his arms. She looked at him quizzically.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I've gotta go beat up a certain jackass, don't I? With you by my side, Audrey, I can do anything! And I'll do everything I can to protect you from that jerk. Please let me help you, then we can be together for as long as you want, Audrey!"

Audrey was slightly frightened, but she knew, somehow that Seymour could do it. She loved his meek traits and his shyness, but she knew, when the times had presented themselves, that he was strong inside.

"Forever, please," she said, snuggling into his chest.

Seymour could have roared like a lion. He gripped her form as they both drifted into dreamland.

Thank GOD for a not-so-typical Friday.


End file.
